his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Damn victory sex feels great
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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