I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
