why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
