Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
