fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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