My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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