we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
