how can u be prego again
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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