I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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