We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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