What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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