it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
