Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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