Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
