Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
