Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
