If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
