If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
