Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it's like iHOP with fire
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize