He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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