brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
