He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
