there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
