Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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