He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
In America we eat man semen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
