U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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