You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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