Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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