I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
