What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
