he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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