so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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