dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize