Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
