I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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