What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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