Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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