Apparently you make a good broom.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
