he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
