Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
