There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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