drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
