I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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