oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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