I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
