Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
