According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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