I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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