Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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