My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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