his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
