Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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