My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
