can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
