at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I intend to get homeless drunk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When are your genitals available?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
