you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
