Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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