There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Randomize
