Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
