I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
