i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
