i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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