Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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