dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
