things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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