well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
