OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
