He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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