i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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