I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
