This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
