Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
