Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
