She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
