The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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