Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
