ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
