when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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