Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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