I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
