fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
