Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
