trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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