he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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