i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
