I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
