so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
