she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you had me at cake vodka
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
